Day 324/365 - Jack of Many Trades

A complaint from JW on her Twitter feed about grocery baggers last week gave me the idea of doing a shot that would provide me with an excuse to ramble on about all the jobs I've ever held in my life. And so here it is...

1. Grocery bagger at Safeway - My first job ever and I hated it. Does anyone enjoy their first job? They called us "courtesy clerks" and in addition to bagging groceries, we had to wrangle grocery carts, run price checks, and redeem aluminum cans brought in by recyclers. I worked there for about six months and then quit.

2. Game attendant at an amusement park - This job was fairly cool. When you weren't working you got free admission to the park. It was a seasonal, summertime job and I worked there four years, partly during high school and partly during undergrad. The first year I worked a section of skill games that involved things like shooting baskets or throwing softballs at milkbottles to try and win prizes. The next three years I worked a remote control boat stand. That was great. I worked on my own without much in the way of supervision and I mostly just made change for people. When things were slow I would just turn one of the machines on and drive a boat around the little lagoon.

3. Busboy at a semi-fancy restaurant - Well, fancy for suburban Missouri anyhow. Hated this job too. I had it one winter in high school in between gigs at the amusement park. Cleaning up after people at a restaurant sucks. Even worse was having to occasionally act as 'muffin boy' and walk through the dining rooms with a muffin pan asking diners "would you care for a muffin?" Man I hated that part. On the plus side, I learned how to walk on a slippery/greasy restaurant kitchen floor, a skill that has proven useful on icy winter days.

4. Temp worker for an employment agency - I did this for a few months after graduating college before my Navy enlistment kicked in. I worked in an ice plant, an archery company, and a plastics factory. My mom was actually temping at the plastics factory at the same time, but we worked different shifts.

5. Operations Specialist, U.S. Navy - Had this hitch for four years. I operated radar, communications, and data network equipment, did some navigation, and spent a whole lot of time cleaning and painting (which is why I now refuse to help friends paint when they move to a new place. I'll help with anything but that.). Being in the Navy was okay. I mostly enjoyed it the first three years, but by the fourth year I was more than ready to go. On the plus side, I got to go through the Panama Canal, cross the equator, and make more than a few trips to the Caribbean.

6. Receiving clerk at a Dollar Store - I did this for about nine months after I got out of the Navy while I was building up my Virginia residency so I could get in-state tuition for law school. I unloaded trucks, tracked shipments, and stocked shelves. It wasn't a bad gig. My bosses were pretty cool. They even taught me how to rebuild the alternator on my Jeep during lunch one day.

7. Temp worker for an employment agency, part deux - The summer before entering law school I quit the Dollar Store and headed home to spend some time with my family after not seeing them much the previous few years. This time I just helped set up a Harry and David store at an outlet mall and then stayed on for a bit as a stock boy.

8. Research assistant for a law school professor - Did this the summer of my 1L year. It wasn't a bad gig. Mostly I just did a lot of cite-checking and footnoting for an article a friend of the professor's wrote on ceasefire agreements. Spent a ton of time in the library, but I got to set my own hours.

9. Judicial clerk for a state circuit court judge - During my second and third years at law school, I clerked part-time for a local judge. He was a great guy and I learned a lot. One of the opinions I drafted for him wound up being the single-most read state court opinion that year, so that was pretty exciting (it was about whether an accident report prepared after a hand dryer fell off the wall in a Ponderosa bathroom and landed on a woman's foot could be withheld under the work product privilege. Or was it a paper towel dispenser? I can't remember.).

10. Summer associate at Alcoa - I worked for Alcoa's Office of General Counsel in Pittsburgh during my 2L summer. One time I got to fly to upstate NY and back on the corporate jet to go to a meeting about a deal to sell excess electricity generated by an aluminum factory power plant. The fridge on the plane was stocked with beer and I had one on the flight back. It was an all right job, even though the bastards didn't offer me a permanent gig after graduation. That's why I now take especial delight whenever I hear some bad news about Alcoa earnings and why I was thrilled that former Alcoa CEO Paul O'Neil crashed and burned as Treasury Secretary. Not that I hold grudges or anything.

11. Attorney for a government agency - My current gig. It's not bad. Mostly I practice grants law, but I also do a bit of work with government contracting programs, personal and real property, and employee travel. I also did appropriations law for a few years but thankfully I don't do that anymore. Having to answer the same question about whether federal funds can be used to buy food over and over and over again gets really old. (And no, 99 times out of a 100 they can't, in case you were curious. But that doesn't stop people from trying to scam a free meal.)

So there you have my list of employment, some more gainful than others. Hmm, I didn't realize I've only held eleven jobs in my life. I also babysat a couple of my cousins one year when I was in high school, but that doesn't really count.

(Taken with my Nikon D90)

Day 292/365 - If I Win the Lottery...

I don't buy individual lottery tickets, but I do have a lottery subscription. It's good for six months at a stretch and I'm automatically entered in every drawing during that period. At the end of the six months they send me a check for my winnings (if any), and then I renew my subscription. Usually I don't win anything, but I have won four or five bucks a few times and once I won fourteen. I know, I know -- lotteries are essentially a tax on people who are bad at math (guilty as charged), but I don't care. If nothing else, being able to dream about winning is worth the cost of the subscription.

I've spent a good deal of time daydreaming about what I'd do if I won. First, I'd pay off all of mine and my family's debts. Then I'd endow two trusts -- one to cover all my family's medical and educational expenses for hopefully several generations and one to make charitable contributions (kids and animals mostly, I'm sappy like that) and fund a couple scholarships at my law school alma mater.

I'd quit work and take everyone at the office out for a big fancy lunch somewhere, complete with a fleet of hired limos to chauffeur us there and back. Then I'd hire a firm of naval architects to design me a yacht that looked like a millionaire's pleasure craft from the 1930s, but was state of the art with the latest in technology and comfort. I think I'd call it the Vagabond Prince. This next part is where my detail-obsessive lawyer side comes out -- I'd set up a corporation or LLC to contract for the yacht and be responsible for employing on the crew to shield my assets and protect me from liability and I'd set off on an around the world cruise that took however long it took. I'd take loads of photos and make notes with the goal of getting a coffee table book of my trip published at the end of the journey. I'd have a website too that would include a map with real-time positioning data and webcams so you could see where I was. I'd post a few photos and notes too just to whet people's appetites for the eventual book.

Hopefully doing it this way would mean I'd be able to consider it a business venture rather than a pleasure cruise and maybe write off a portion of the trip as a business expense. Tax law not being my forte however, I'm not sure about that part. I'd have a personal assistant/operations manager that would take care of port clearances and logistics and all other administrative details so that I would only have to worry about deciding where to go next and how long to stay there.

The first leg of the voyage would be from DC down to Miami and I'd invite my friends along and it would be one big floating party. Then I'd charter a plane to fly them back home from Miami and I'd set off on my circumnavigation of the Earth. And that's what I'll do if I win the lottery.

What would you do?

(Taken with my Nikon Coolpix S200)

Day 114/365 - The Miserable Ones

Unlike yesterday, today I actually remembered to go on the Ticketplace website and get myself a half-price ($53) ticket to see tonight’s production of ‘Les Miserables’ at Signature Theatre in Shirlington. There’s no Metro station in Shirlington, so since I don’t drive I had to catch a bus at the Pentagon. I hate riding the bus, but it’s a non-stop, ten-minute trip there from the Pentagon so it’s not that bad. Arlington County has talked about building a street car line that would run out to Shirlington, but there are no signs of that actually happening yet.

Before heading over to the theater I stopped in at Aroma, an Indian restaurant, and had dinner. I opted for the vegetable sampler (pakoras, samosa, and aloo tikki) and the Murgh Korma Mugulai (mildly spicy chicken curry with almonds and raisins over rice pilaf) and both were quite good. I timed things perfectly for once and got to the theater just in time to check my coat and get to my seat without either having to rush or being stuck waiting around.

This was not a national touring company production of Les Mis. Recently, the corporation that owns the rights to the play chose to license it to any local theaters who wished to stage their own productions. Signature Theatre took them up on their offer. There is no gimmicky turntable stage in this production. The play is performed in three-quarters ‘theater in the round’ on a low rostrum stage. It’s a good choice and lends the play an intimacy and immediacy that you didn’t get with the touring company staging. The orchestra, set design, and costumes are quite good as well, although there are certainly some bad wig choices (think cheesy, androgynous ‘80s rock rather than dirty, downtrodden 19th century rabble).

The cast, however, is one area where Signature’s production clearly suffers in comparison to the national touring companies. I place the blame squarely on the primary scourge of modern theater – amplified sound systems that lead to the casting of singers with thin, weak voices. Microphones and speakers have no place in musical theater. If you cannot project your voice to the back row of the theater then you need to find a new avocation because you’re not qualified to be on stage. Several of the actors in this production fall into this category: Valjean (acting – adequate; singing – very limited range and struggles with the higher and softer notes), Thenardier (a stand-in for this performance)(acting – poor and caricaturish, evidently the Child Catcher from ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’ served as the inspiration for his performance; singing – dreadfully weak, he may as well have whispered his lines and songs), and adult Cosette (acting – unremarkable; singing – shrill and nasally).

The unforgiveable sin of this production is the inadequate casting of Eponine. Although the part is small, I believe Eponine is the heart of Les Mis. She connects the various demi-mondes in the play and links all the characters to one another, plus she sings the two best songs – ‘On My Own’ and ‘A Little Fall of Rain.’ Signature’s Eponine is unfortunately not up to either acting or singing the part. She mugs her way through the role with a permanent, plastic, quasi-maniacal grin on her face that is horribly misplaced. Note: Eponine is tortured and tormented, not giddy and gleeful. And it would be nice if she didn’t frequently sing off-key. Thanks.

It’s not all disappointment with this cast, though. There are some strong performances: Javert (acting – tough to know given that the part is hammish by nature, but he seemed quite good and he made me wonder if the actors playing Valjean and Javert should have swapped parts; singing – good strong voice), Fantine (acting – good, singing – quite good), Enjolras (acting and singing both quite good), and particularly Marius (all-around excellent). In addition the child performers do admirably well with young Cosette and Gavroche. The director’s decision to substantially cut Gavroche’s highly entertaining ‘Little People’ song was a bit puzzling, however. If cuts were needed I’d have recommend targeting Javert’s ‘Stars’ instead, which bears the double burden of being not a particularly good song and adding nothing new or meaningful to our understanding of the character.

Taken as a whole then I believe that Signature’s production of Les Mis is worth seeing, although I’d certainly recommend taking advantage of the availability of half-price tickets rather than paying full fare. It’s a noble experiment and a fresh, imaginative staging of what had become a weary workhorse of the theater. And it still features a great story and great songs. It’s just a shame Signature didn’t do a better job with the casting.

(BTW: the secondary scourge of modern theater is the knee-jerk standing ovation. It’s the dramatic equivalent of grade inflation. Audiences should reserve standing o’s for truly outstanding performances and not hand them out like candy at Halloween to every production that comes along. End of rant.)

(Taken with my Nikon Coolpix S200)