Day 322/365 - Kilroy Was Here

For this week's self-portrait we have me sitting in my office behind the sixty-two grant files currently piled on my desk awaiting legal review. To be honest, I had to hunker down a little to get the "Kilroy" effect. When I sat up straight my chin rested on the stack. Hmm, it's looking like I should've put my camera in the 'backlighting' mode.

This is my busiest time of year at work. The government's fiscal year runs from October 1 to September 30. The bulk of the money Congress appropriates to each agency (it's sort of like our allowance) is categorized as one-year money. That means you only have until the end of the fiscal year to spend it or it all goes back into the Treasury. Congress can also appropriate multi-year money, which is good for a fixed period of years, and no-year money, which is good forever. Everybody wants no-year money. It's the holy grail of appropriated funds. The only no-year money my agency gets is for our loan programs.

Because the bulk of our money expires at the end of the fiscal year, there is always a mad rush in August and September to hurry up and spend it before we lose it. Each file stacked in front of me in the photo above represents one earmark grant and each is funded with one-year money. These are special grants mandated by Congress that are added to our appropriations bill every year. They are the "pork" projects you hear people complaining about. They funnel federal funds to various congressperson's districts for a host of projects, some of which have some relationship to my agency's mission and some of which have nothing to do with nothing.

In the past, we have been directed to provide grants for such diverse projects as an aquarium on Long Island, a museum of jazz in New York City, a fiber optic cabling project in the Pacific Northwest, a storefront and on-line catalog featuring products made by local craftspeople in West Virginia, and an effort to promote sites related to the feud between Hatfields and McCoys to potential tourists. When I first started practicing grants law, my agency would only get 30-40 earmark grants a year, but the number has steadily increased. This year we received over 240 grants totalling in excess of $80 million.

We hate these things. They're a pain in the ass and Congress doesn't give us any extra money to administer them, so we just keep getting stretched thinner and thinner. There was a moratorium on them in 2007 and we were soooooo happy. Most of the organizations that receive these earmarks have no idea what they are doing when it comes to the federal grant process, so getting them to the point where they are legally sufficient can be pretty labor intensive. In addition to the ones currently piled up on my desk, there are still about 130 more that I'm going to have to clear by September 30th that haven't made their way over to my office yet. This is why I can never take vacation in August or September. I'm the only grants law attorney we've got. Oh well, it keeps me employed anyhow.

(Taken with my Nikon Coolpix S200)

Day 308/365 - Rough Day at the Office

Thanks to the wonders of modern technology (and a cool boss) I worked from home today. Reviewing grant applications for legal sufficiency isn't the most exciting gig in the world, although occasionally some of the project proposals are fairly interesting. When you're doing it while sitting poolside, however, it's a pretty damn good job.

Now if only there were cocktail waitresses and a swim-up blackjack table.

(Taken with my iPhone)

Day 307/365 - At the Dentist, Again

It was time for my six-month check-up, so I stopped by the dentist's ofice on my way to work this morning. I didn't realize that much time had already gone by since my last visit. I was a bit worried she'd tell me today that the repair job she'd done on my crumbling tooth wasn't holding and that I'd need a root canal.

Thankfully, that wasn't the case. However, she did find some new decay on the sides of two of my bottom teeth. That's them in the photo on the monitor above. My dentist's office is cool. This flat screen is attached to the patient chair and it can display a map of your mouth and it can also show photos that she takes inside your mouth with this wand camera thing. Then she points out the problem areas in the photo and you can see exactly what needs fixing.

Because the decay was on the outside of the teeth, she didn't need to do any drilling. Just a quick bit of grinding and then she spackled them over with this tooth-colored filling goop. Then I got to walk around for a while with one cheek and half my tongue numb. Made answering phone calls at work sort of interesting.

(Taken with my iPhone)

Day 126/365 - At the Dentist's Office

I was a big, brave boy and went to the dentist's office this morning for the first time in 14 years. And she didn't even yell at me! She did 'tut, tut' a bit, though. I think I picked a good dentist. I always try to go to women doctors and dentists because I think they are less likely to be egotistical jerks than are men. I realize that's more than a bit sexist and stereotypical -- I'm sure women doctors are just as capable of being egotistical and jerky as their male counterparts -- but it generally works out.

I picked my dentist (Dr. Sheila at the South Capitol Smile Center) because (a) she accepts my insurance, (b) she's Metro accessible, (c) she's a woman, and (d) her website said she was from the Midwest (and thus in my biased Midwestern opinion more likely to be nice). Her office is right across from Nationals Park so I got to walk by the ballpark this morning for the first time since the end of last season. It looked a bit sad sitting there all by its lonesome in the off-season.

The results of my exam were pretty good. Apart from the tooth that is falling apart (see Day 117 for details), I have a couple small spots of decay, some filings that need replacing (given that I got them when I was 8, they've held up pretty well), and some wear due to grinding or clenching my teeth (for which I will shortly get stuck with wearing a mouth guard at night). The dentist was amazed. When I told her how long it had been she was expecting a disaster.

Today was just the exam and cleaning. I have to go back early next month for the tune-up. Hopefully I'll be able to avoid a root canal on the falling apart tooth. Thank goodness for insurance. That covered my check-up and will knock two-thirds off the cost of my tune-up. Going to the dentist sure has changed. There's a flat screen monitor attached to the chair and your x-rays instantly show up on it, along with color photos of your teeth they take with this wand-like camera. It was kinda cool, actually.

(Taken with my Nikon Coolpix S200)

Day 121/365 - My New Digs

Today I finished hanging the last few pictures on the walls of my new office. After being there for ten years, I finally managed to finagle myself a window office. The guy who had the office before me moved to a different floor and although he is a really nice guy, he's a total grubby, packrat slob.

I let the office sit empty and air out for a few weeks once he hauled all his stuff out. Plus I made them swap out his desk for mine. I didn't want his grimy furniture. The final step in the decontamination process came earlier this week when I bought a bottle of pine sol, scrubbing sponges, and rubber gloves and used one of our trash bins as a bucket while I scrubbed the mysterious stains and caked-on gunk off the walls, door, lightswitch, and doorhandle.

Now at last everything is in place and I can enjoy my new space. There's not much of a view given that I'm on the atrium, but I don't really care about that. I'm just thrilled to have some natural light instead of toiling in a flourescent zombie cave. Plus I love the little nook with the table and chairs where I can sit while I eat lunch, read, and listen to music playing from my computer speakers.

It was a lot of work getting the office fit for human habitation again, but it was worth it.

(Taken with my Nikon Coolpix S200)

Day 9/365 - Go Speed Racer, Go!

Most weekdays I eat lunch at my desk. Normally I have some kind of wrap (today it was turkey & swiss), veggies (today it was grape tomatoes), and fruit (forgot to pack fruit in my lunch bag today -- bummer). When the weather gets colder I switch from wraps to soup. Eating pretty much the same thing every day has never really bothered me.

During my lunch break, I usually either read, do the crossword puzzle, or watch a DVD of a tv show or old cliffhanger serial on my PC. Today I watched Speed Racer. It was the episode where he had to go up against the Mammoth Car (an all-time classic).

Speed Racer is my favorite cartoon of all time and possibly even my favorite tv show (although Northern Exposure and Jonny Quest are neck-and-neck for a close second place). The movie they released this year sucked tremendously, but the old Speed Racer tv show is tough to beat.

(Taken with my Nikon Coolpix S200)